When to Leave a Church?
Posted by Todd Rhoades in Controversy on Feb 15th, 2011 | 9 commentsA friend sent me a note on Facebook: “Is ‘not being fed’ ever a reason to leave a church? If so, in what instance? And if the answer is ‘no,’ is there ever a good reason to leave a church, aside from relocating?”
via The Baptist Standard :: The Newsmagazine of Texas Baptists – Free to leave?
QUESTION: Â Aside from staff members… when is it ok to leave a church? Â Doctrinal issues? Â Style issues? Â Personality issues? Â Power issues? Â Integrity issues?
What do YOU think?
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9 Responses to “ “When to Leave a Church?”
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The fact that we’re in a position to ask this just speaks to our consumerism mentality. The deeper question is “what drives to go to a certain church in the first place?”
This is something that I think we all need to wrestle with, especially as it affects our local mission within our communities, commuter churches, mega churches that draw from a city-wide radius, and local churches dying right down the street from us.
If you become convinced that there is something basically wrong (say, doctrinally OR practically) in what your church is doing, and leadership can’t or won’t change it, you might have a leg to stand on.
That said, most everybody I’ve ever seen leave a church have had a very bad, selfish and consumeristic reason for doing so.
I think any of the reasons you listed will work. It’s not easy to walk a narrow road and everyone needs to find the place where they are better able to thrive. That’s the way God designed all of nature to work and we are part of that. all of this “church loyalty” is a little off to me. Church loyalty is included in one sermon series or another every year. It may be a good way to make sure your salary doesn’t drop, but I don’t see anything like that in the Bible. It seems I read about a group that met down by a river. When someone leaves one church for another, people shouldn’t quote this scripture:”They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us(They may not be the Antichrist). And it’s probably not good to portray them as Judas.:)
But it’s really funny to see the glee when a “problem” member leaves.
Many times “not being fed” is really a smoke screen for a deeper issue.
If we believe that the church is our family, we cannot just walk away, unless it’s extreme… dysfunctional to the point of not being able to work it out, or detrimental to our spiritual health and toxic to our Christian life, or immoral, then we might at that point set up a boundary that says we cannot have a relationship. I would say that about our earthly families. There may be a time when we walk, but it’s an extreme case.
We don’t just abandon our earthly families. But for some reason our culture believes that to switch churches on a whim is acceptable.
I think it’s from a lack of understanding what the church is and how we fit into that. It’s not all about my feeding. It’s about my serving. And what I get is a lot less important than what I give, because when I give, I get anyway.
Too many people visit a church and say “What is here for me?” rather than visiting a church and asking “How can I serve here and use the gifts that God has given me?”
I had a friend recently ask me when it was okay to leave a church and my answer was that I believe God CALLS us to a church… essentially FOR ministry… If you aren’t called to but running away from dealing with issues, or because we feel unsatisfied, it’s usually not a healthy good reason for leaving.
Convictions must trump community, as a last resort it is sometimes necessary to leave a church family. If doctrinally or in practice the church stops pursing God and his will then it is time to go.
But first see if perhaps God wants to use you as a catalyst of change. If you are not being fed because there is not “food†being served then you first must attempt to change the situation. The church is a body and blind spots can unintentionally happen. Make every effort to help your church family perceive and fix the problem before more people leave. Many times God will use your awareness of a deficiency as the means to bring change. And he may just be calling you into a new area of ministry. Don’t have a consumer mentality; God may be asking you to be an agent of change.
Read any of Paul’s letters to the New Testament churches, did he write them to commend them on perfectly doing God’s will? True Paul encourages all but dig a bit deeper and you see: In Rome there was tension between Gentile and Jewish believers, Corinth was plagued with immorally and an immature type of faith, Judaizers troubled the church in Galatia, Ephesus seems to be doing okay but then you read Revelations 2:4 and see even a strong healthy church can get off track. The list of church problems goes on and on.
What’s the point? There are no perfect churches. God may choose to use an imperfect congregation to address your problems and church hopping can become a cover for unrepented sin. God may also be asking you to be a mechanism of change to bring greater health to a weakness in your current church.
There are any number of legitimate reasons to leave a church, and “not being fed” can be one of them. My measuring stick of the legitimacy of that particular reason is whether there are significant numbers making that claim. One or two families leaving because of alleged spiritual starvation doesn’t get my attention. By the time it reaches ten-or-so families, all saying the same thing, might it be time to look at the man filling the trough?
And I agree with Steve that this particular oft-spoken dissatisfaction may be a catalyst for change. It also may not be. Apathy or politics or other insurmountable obstacles to change may give a person no choice but to leave.
One more thing: If it’s true for that church, and people really aren’t being fed, the net result will probably be that they are also ineffective in the essential aspects of church life; worship, evangelism, and discipleship. And if the church isn’t doing those things, why stay?
I’ve been thinking about this issue of “not being fed”, from a shepherd’s position. The shepherd simply leads the flock to pasture. He doesn’t cut it up or tie on a bib or spoon feed them. He watches over them, provides leadership and safety, but he doesn’t chew it up for them. If you hear it a lot, you should pay attention for many reasons, not the least of which is you might have lost the ear of your flock. But mainly I agree it’s probably a smoke screen hiding some less noble sounding reason.
Why would you *join* a church where you are not fed? IF you did, why would that be a reason to leave?
When did the church become the vehicle by which God feeds you? Didn’t Jesus say the Comforter would lead you into all truth? Aren’t we to live by the word that comes from the mouth of God (Mt. 4:4)? Isn’t the world to believe because we are united (together) and one with the Father and the Son (Jn 17:21-22)? Is the church not the Body of Christ? Are you leaving the body?
Too many questions to answer….
I believe we have to split the two concepts of church in the post and comment thread. One is the Church, the Body of Christ – we as Christians are the Church. The church that people leave is a building, a location and a gathering of specific members of the Church.
In my opinion, there are many reasons one may leave the church – doctrinal issues, ethical issues, opportunities to lead in another church, and of course relocation. Doctrinal and ethical issues become quite complex. Leaving a church can even be as simple as someone or their actions becoming a stumbling block for me or vice versa.
In Acts 18:5-7, Paul leaves the Jews in Corinth after they opposed his teaching and blasphemed. How do we interpret this, I’m still thinking about that one.
However, leaving the Church is another matter altogether. That would entail a Christian completely cutting themselves off from other Christians. This would be detrimental to their spiritual growth and counter to scriptural calls for fellowship.